Mike Tomlin, Mike Tomlin Imposter to Pistol-Holding Juju Smith-Schuster: “You have to kill one of us.”


by Andre Pegeron

Pittsburgh, PA — Following Wednesday’s practice at the team’s facility in Pittsburgh, Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin and a man identical to Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin met with fourth-year wideout Juju Smith-Schuster to discuss the offense, how he was adapting to virtual team meetings, and most importantly, which one of them he would shoot.

According to team officials, approximately ten minutes into the meeting, one of the head coaches pulled out a Beretta M9 and slid it across the table, where it was promptly grabbed by Smith-Schuster. “Come on, Juju” said the men in unison. “We’ve spent so much time together. Which one of us is real?” The fourth-year wideout out of USC’s normally steady hands began to tremble under the weight of the decision.

Word of the meeting spread quickly around the facility, but coaches quickly downplayed any negative effect on morale. When reached for comment, the imposter Tomlin said: “I’m the real Mike Tomlin,” adding that “only [he] could remember what was said over the phone when Smith-Schuster was drafted in 2017.” The real Mike Tomlin was unavailable for comment as he was recovering from a gunshot wound to the leg.

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